


God and "The Messenger": Not-So-Original-Story

by yuaf



Category: Original Work
Genre: Detectives, Domestic, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Gen, I'm trying to be funny, Short, bear with me, i don't know what to add here, probably they're trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22665664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuaf/pseuds/yuaf
Summary: Being a russian and living alone in this country is kinda hard. Living with God in Russia, however, can be a little funnier.//The story takes place in our age in a little russian town called Elektrostal'//





	1. 0.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my God-friend he's not on this site but whatever](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+God-friend+he%27s+not+on+this+site+but+whatever).



> Some words before we begin:  
> 1\. I’m Russian, so English is not my first/native language. Sorry for any mistakes  
> 2\. This story is weird and kinda self-insertish bc both MCs are just me and my friend whom I jokingly call «God»  
> 3\. Slow updates bc I really don’t know where to go with this story, but I like what I have. Hope you’ll like it too  
> 4\. The chapters will be small too bc I can't write something big. Trust me, I've tried  
> That’s all. Enjoy the story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also find this story on quotev: https://www.quotev.com/story/12456400/God-and-the-Messenger-Not-So-Original-Story/1  
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Picture to this chapter: https://i.quotev.com/img/q/u/20/2/8/hpoqjxmxbm.jpg)

Yulias life wasn't the great one. Wait, maybe it's even really really not great. Pretty standart situation: not enough money, no personal life, laziness and depression around every corner (why would you get a therapist if you can just say that "things happen sometimes" and that you are stupid instead, am I right). 

Working as a doctor in Russia already meant that your life is going to be hard at least. At most.....

No, not gonna swear. Yulia can do it herself.

I mean, just imagine: seven-eight years of tiring hassle in university, then thirty years (or the rest of your life) of working with annoying people. Sounds... not great.

Well, it's not like she had a choice, really. That, or life in the streets. 

She was lucky enough that her dad is a doctor still and that he managed to find her a place to work.

Hospital and morgue near it in a pretty city of Elektrostal' were the same as the rest of this town: old. The girl worked as a pathologist, which gave her a few more points to the scale of her life's inferiority (the salary for pathologist is usually great but hey, this is just a hospital in some little town and in a corrupt country). Well, it is better then working with alive people, but instead of loud and annoying patients, God gave her co-workers. They can't even remember her name right, which resulted this:

"Lena, do the skin analysis for me, I have a date" or "Lena, in my office. NOW" or " Ah, Lenochka, you need a vacation, you're so pale". Ugh.

With a sigh, the girl went into the morgue building. 

Another day full of sorrow, yay. What will happen today, I wonder?

\- Lena, body just came.

Oh, Evgeniy Vadimovich, how long I have waited for you. 

This man.....well, I can tell you a lot of things about him, but why if there's just one word to describe him. Well, maybe two or even three. 

Arrogant stupid prick. 

\- I'm Yulia, Evgeniy Vadimovich.

\- I don't care, just go.

Oh.

Even like that, huh.

Well, okay. Whatever.

The dissecting room where the bodies were cut and examined was, as always, the same room with curtained windows, unwashed walls, and various tools, which upset Yulia. Well, for her it was some sort of routine, and routine was always making her upset since she was fifteen, so nothing extraordinary here. 

And right here, on one of the dissecting metal tables, was lying a mans body. The body was absolutely naked. It only gave Yulia more discomfort, to be honest. Her "hormonal stage", which lasted from sixteen to eighteen (on that stage she thought that she'll be a prostitute and have sex with every man), was gone long ago, just like her adoration for men and their bodies in general, so again, nothing unusual. 

So, that body belonged to a young man. Well, he looked young at least; twenty or so years. Twenty-five max. 

On one of the work tables was his medical history. However, it was very small. There was only three sentences: "Found him on the street. Naked, all cold, dead. We didn't find any documents, so we don't even know his name".

Well, THAT was unusual and extraordinary. 

This paper really surprised the blue-haired girl. Very strongly. Maybe even intrigued her. If you look closely into her eyes, you'll probably see stars. She never had patients with that kind of medical history; you know< the kind that gave you more questions than answers.

\- Well, unknown fucker.... - good that Evgeniy wasn't there or she wouldn't hear the end of his scolding. - Time to dig in.

Smiling a little maliciously under her mask, Yulya, with the necessary tools in her hands, approached the body and.....

Her digging ended very quickly. It didn't even start.

This guy was alive. And he was opening his eyes. Like, right now.

\- Lena, what's the problem? - Evgeniy came into dissecting room. He was doing this a lot when Yulia worked; most of time to simply annoy her by giving useless advice or making fun of her, well, everything: hair. body (she was a big girl, alright), choice of proffesion.... You got my drift.

And so, Evgeniys words were the first words that this "unknown fucker" heard. And the first thing he saw was glasses with a blue thin frame and grey-blue eyes full of surprise behind them. Well, not exactly surprised - maybe scared even.

\- H-he's alive.

\- What do you mean?! Lenochka, have you gone-

\- I'm Yulia, damn it! - screamed the girl. She was starting to get angry and annoyed. - And he IS alive, check it yourself! 

Putting the tools on the table, she looked again at the guy (who was trying to stand up), preparing to take something... cutting, should he start doing something weird. The guy was kust looking around wide-eyed, blinking. 

\- O-oh God.... - Evgeniy crossed himself; it was evident that he was scared and he was trembling. If it wasn't for the situation, Yulia would have laughed. Well, not internally.

The guy simply chuckled.

\- You can call me Alexander, dear friend.


	2. 1.

Being in one room with some guy who called himself a God was more fun than deal with your annoyed superior. 

Since no more bodies were received, Yulia went to her laboratory. Alexander went after her with a visible interest in his eyes, saying that he never saw how humans do their work. Such statement received a kind chuckle from Yulya, while Evgeniy was just standing in front of the working doctor. He wanted to call the police, but somehow blue-haired girl managed to convince him not to (by saying that she takes full responsibility for his action; should something go wrong, Evgeniy will blame everything on her).

And so, everything leads to Yulias laboratory. She managed to find some warm clothes for her new....uhm, occupant, and since she was a big girl, her clothes fitted him just right.

\- Lena, is he sane?

The girl didn't answer out of spite, which resulted a surprised reaction from Alexander. Wasn't it her- oh, right, it wasn't. Then her reaction wasn't that surprising.

\- Lena, do you even hear me?! - Evgeniy was starting to get annoyed. Girls composure started to change too; she became more stiff, her hands clenched into fists and she took a very deep breath.

\- She's Yulia, I think she told you. - answered Sasha. 

\- I-I didn't ask you! - said Evgeniy with irritation and fear in his voice. Yulia gave him an absolutely blank stare and returned to her job. Man sighed desperately.

\- Yulia Vital'yevna, I've been putting up with you for three years already, and this is how you act?

It was Yulias turn to be surprised. But it was very angry and violent kind of surprise; the one before the person destroys you completely. 

\- Wait, YOU'VE been putting up with me these three years. YOU. With ME. Yeah, alright, you fucking dick! - blue-haired girl got up from her chair; her shoulders rose, her brows furrowed, and in her eyes and voice nothing but pure rage. - Three fucking years I was patient when you were making fun of me, the bestial attitude of every person here, when you didn't give out the salary completely! You fucking asshole, I'll castrate you! 

Mayakovskaya took the first thing that was near - a book of German grammar: she read it sometimes. Evgeniy was trying to get away, seeing how fast the girl was approaching him.

\- Yu- Yulechka, please, li-

He didn't even finish the sentence with his trembling voice: Yulia was close to him and so she prepared to swing, while Evgeniy was already covering himself in fear and panic.

\- SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH, YOU PRICK!

\- Stop it.

Soft and yet strict voice of Alexander (who just got up from his seat and approached two doctors) stopped them completely. Yulya felt how her anger simply disappearing, how her arms were dropping, how she was getting away from Evgeniy slowly. It was like some sort of trance. Magic stuff. 

Could it mean that he didn't lie? 

Well, he HAS some sort of weird powers and Yulia always believed in weird magic stuff. 

\- Evgeniy, I understood that you are not a good person. You can't judge another human by their actions and you think your position gives you right to do anything in this morgue. If it was my choice, you wouldn't even be here. - Sasha smiled at him and put his hand on mans shoulder. - But I forgive you, for everyone deserves it. 

Man simply nodded, swallowing; he simply couldn't do anything else.

\- Now, Yulia. - Alexander turned to her with a small smile. - Violence is never a choice-

The blue-haired girl immediately burst out laughing.

\- Tell this to your Bible, mate; there are always some kind of wars and violence. 

The brown-haired man coughed rather demonstratively, prompting her to be quiet for a little while. The girl simply rolled her eyes, but she didn't say anything else.

\- I never wrote a Bible - humans like you did; humans, who were full of rage, similar to yours. But trust me, this is never a choice. Instead of violence, why not just leave?

Yulias eyes sparkled and her anger was thrown out of the window completely. She smiled widely.

\- What a wonderful idea! Zhenya, I'm quitting! - exclaimed the girl, immediately gathering up her things in the briefcase near the working table, which she usually left at work. - Don't give me any documents for I'll never be at your office again. Deal with everything by yourself.

Engeniy scoffed but didn't say a word in answer; he left, leaving Sasha and Yulya alone. Brown-haired mand looked at the busy girl with interest, while she was getting ready to leave this damned place.

After five or so minutes, Yulia was ready.

\- Okay. So. You ARE the God.

\- Yes. - he answered immediately.

\- Daddy of Jesus Christ.

\- Um, yes.

Blue-haired girl smiled widely to him adjusting her briefcase on her shoulders.

\- Wanna live with me and turn water into wine? I really need a drink. Like, REALLY.

Alexanders answer was very simple and maybe a little bit obvious.

\- Which kind of wine?


	3. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Picture for this chapter: https://i.quotev.com/img/q/u/20/2/9/sql6243tac.jpg)  
> (WARNING: this chapter is a little bit sad. At least that's what my friend said)

Flat №188, which belonged to her (at least it was written on the papers), was located at the south-east part of the town on the Yalagina street, house №16, 4th entrance, 5th floor. The flat was nice: the corridors are narrow, but the rooms themselves were big and comfy. Especially the living room, which was used as her sisters room for some time in Yulias life. Brown laminate which resembled a tree, white and black wardrobes (some even under the sofa), big TV and PlayStation 4 under it. Near the big window was a big cage with two little wavy parrots - Corporal (he was white and blue) and Teacup (and she was green, yellow and black).

And so, both of them were seated at the living room. Yulia brought a grey table with folding legs and put two cups with water on it while Sasha was simply sitting on the sofa and taking everything in.

\- Oh, also, be careful with Corporal and Teacup, they get scared easily. Corporal, especially. 

Brown-haired guy chuckled in response.

\- Weird names for parrots.

\- I like'em. Wanna eat?

\- I'd like to. Semi-sweet white?

\- God-fucking-yeah.

\- Do not take the Lord's name in vain.

The girl mimicked him in response, making the most squeaky voice ever and then she went to the kitchen. Sasha held out his hand to the cups. Thinking of the semi-sweet white wine, he passed his hand over them. After a few seconds, the liquid in the cups changed. And right in this moment Yulia got back.

\- I'm lazy, so I didn't make any food. Buuut I brought chocolate. White, milk or dark?

\- Milk.

The girl plopped down next to him and put three chocolates on the table. 

\- Here. 

Taking the cup in her hands, Yulya waited for him to do the same. The guy took the hint.

\- For our meeting, oh great God.

They clinked glasses (or rather, Yulia did it) and the blue-haired girl drank about a third of her cup.

\- Ooooh, I'm feeling alive already! Woohoo! - she said happily, putting her cup back on the table and eating a little bar of white chocolate. The guy sighed, slowly sipping his own. He was certainly not having fun, but hey, could have been worse.

\- So, tell me. How the fuck did you get in here? 

Oh, he knew she would ask this sooner or later. But he didn't want to tell yet; is it really that important?

\- Excuse me, but I-

The guy didn't finish the sentence. Their "conversation" was interrupted by a strange tune which sounded like "Arabian nights" from Aladdin, but the words were different. Yulia immediately reached into the pocket of her red and blue long shirt with blue and gray stripes, while the tune with the words "Fucking mouth of this stupid casino" played.

\- Sorry, dad's calling. - girl took the call and put the phone to her ear with a faint, relaxed smile.

\- Yo, dad.

For some seconds that smile remained. But then her face quickly changed: instead of the smile there was nothing but annoyance and also tiredness in her voice. The anger started to build up in her too.

\- Dad, for three years I was patient. What else I was supposed to do? 

More seconds passed. Sasha didn't hear what exactly her father was saying, but he heard his ton. And, well, it wasn't happy for sure. If anything, he started to scream at her.

\- S- stop worrying! I'll find a place! I mean, there's Moscow near us, o-or maybe I'll be a forensic expert! 

And more seconds passed....

\- I'll find more money, honest! I saved some, really! - her voice wasn't annoyed or angry anymore. It was desperate. The one that child or a teenager would have when they messed up something really bad. 

After another five or so seconds, she sighed deeply. 

\- Yeah. Bye.

With those two words she put her phone back in the pocket and drank the rest of her wine.

\- This fucking Zhenya. Three years of working and dealing with his stupid remarks, all to hear my dads lecture. - she smiled bitterly, sniffing. - What a pathetic motherfucker I am.

\- You are simply paying the consequence of your action. This is nothing but a price for your sin. - replied Sasha calmly, drinking his wine. Yulia immediately shot him a glare full of despair and rising anger.

\- I'm doing what now?

\- Your sin is Wrath. Sloth too, perhaps. And as I said, you are simply paying the price of your todays action. Maybe even for something that happened before that.

....

Yulya chuckled in response.

One chuckle.

Two.

Three.

And then she slammed her fist on the table.

\- So, all this time, all these years of working, in which I was acting like a fucking virgin nun while everyone around me insulted me for how I look or- or whatever, I was at blame?! - the blue-haired girl broke into a high-pitched, squeaky screams. Her eyes were beginning to fill with tears, which made her sniff more.

\- You- aren't you for justice?! You said yourself that people like Zhenya are not worthy or whatever! But no, NO! I'M at blame!

She started to walk around the room and make weird hand gestures. Her face was red, voice full of desperation and sadness and fury: everything at once. Sometimes she coughed for her voice started to shake and grow hoarse.

\- You are a fucking God! People pray for you so you'll make their life better! They're rooting for you! You are All Might motherfucker! Can't you understand that some people are just fucking assholes that love ruining folks lives?! I-is it my fault that....th- that....

She started crying, covering her face with her hand. Her weeping was loud and full pf emotions: she didn't hold back. If she wasn't drunk she would have, but right now the girl simply didn't have the powers to hold everything in as usual.

She needed someone. 

Sasha shook his head and put his cup on the table. After that, he carefully wrapped his arms around her shoulders, initiating a hug. Yulya sighed sharply; she didn't expect affection, especially from him. 

\- Excuse me. I did say something that I shouldn't have. Humans, their motives and their emotions are still some sort of mystery to me.

Blue-haired didn't answer; she just continued to sniff and tried to steady her breathing with closed eyes. 

\- More wine? - he asked softly.

The response to this proposal was immediate, easy and predictable.

\- Yeah.


End file.
